Feeling this mounting sense of frustration which, I guess, is a result of not surrendering to the flow and continuing to try to 'get things done'.... if only I could know at the start of the day that it was going to be completely unproductive, I could perhaps resign myself to that! I'm writing this exam on Wednesday yet all I've managed to do today is 2 hours revision. The rest of the day seems to have disappeared in a haze of housework. Part of me just wants to put my hands up and admit defeat, part of me is determined to get there against the odds!
I know what's going on is me fighting against time... a real tendency of mine. I set overrealistic goals (esp. in light of my diminished capacity in pregnancy :)) and then get frustrated when I can't achieve them. My novel's barely got a look in the last few days.
Got absolutely drenched at the Autumn Equinox ritual last night (and walking to the bus stop from the park)... it was worth going though, reconnected with a couple of friends and felt good to give thanks for my harvest.
I really need to rest more and stop trying to do so much, but it's so hard to let go...I realised what's making it so hard is not having a definite date for J's arrival...the one uncertain time-frame I think I've ever had to deal with! So I can't say 'okay I have a week' and pace myself according to that, cos it might be three weeks or it might be five! Who knows...
- ► 2009 (15)