Monday, 24 September 2007

Saturn Return doing my head in already!


Feeling this mounting sense of frustration which, I guess, is a result of not surrendering to the flow and continuing to try to 'get things done'.... if only I could know at the start of the day that it was going to be completely unproductive, I could perhaps resign myself to that! I'm writing this exam on Wednesday yet all I've managed to do today is 2 hours revision. The rest of the day seems to have disappeared in a haze of housework. Part of me just wants to put my hands up and admit defeat, part of me is determined to get there against the odds!

I know what's going on is me fighting against time... a real tendency of mine. I set overrealistic goals (esp. in light of my diminished capacity in pregnancy :)) and then get frustrated when I can't achieve them. My novel's barely got a look in the last few days.

Got absolutely drenched at the Autumn Equinox ritual last night (and walking to the bus stop from the park)... it was worth going though, reconnected with a couple of friends and felt good to give thanks for my harvest.

I really need to rest more and stop trying to do so much, but it's so hard to let go...I realised what's making it so hard is not having a definite date for J's arrival...the one uncertain time-frame I think I've ever had to deal with! So I can't say 'okay I have a week' and pace myself according to that, cos it might be three weeks or it might be five! Who knows...

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Hibernation Setting In

Dancing with a Bump

I had a good boogie last night for the first time in ages... the Brighton 'Barefoot Boogie' formerly known as 'Spirit of Saturday'. I usually go to the 'Wednesday Wave' dance of awareness which is organised by the same people, but haven't gone lately...mainly because of my ever-increasing belly :) But it was surprisingly easy last night, I guess because I was around people who are so accepting. I'm still getting used to all the unaccustomed attention from strangers re. being 'bump' only became obvious relatively recently so I haven't had all that solicitous stuff directed toward me throughout.

In touch with the seasons...

I'm going to an Autumn Equinox ritual thing at Queenspark later, curious to see what it's all about. I used to honour the seasonal festivals by going to a sweat lodge (obviously not possible in pregnancy :() but lately have got a bit out of touch with all that. It takes a real effort to drag myself out of the house these days, as last night too... but I usually end up being glad I made the effort. It's easy to stay in here in a cocoon of books and internet and music and not see anyone...

Felt good when I woke up this morning...I forget how good dancing is for me, and just being in good company. But I feel a bit low now...not enjoying G doing overnights at work at all. Just to think I won't see him for 24 hours. Though I do get on with a lot more writing and studying when he's not here! Did quite a bit of yoga exam revision today. On that note...I better hit the books again.