Saturday, 29 March 2008

29 March


so...i'm not doing too well with the three times a week thing! Am just about to go to bed and take advantage of the 2 hour gap between feeds. I've had a frustrating few days trying to get any writing done. Managed little glimpses of my novel but it's slow going. I think what's hard is, I'll have a few good productive days, think 'aah this is working', and then J is particularly needy and I don't have a chance to do anything.

It would be easier if I had designated 'times off' when I could just focus on writing and building up my yoga teaching, because when I have to slot it in everywhere I end up losing focus on what's really my priority right now: taking care of J. Which isn't fair on him. But I feel positive about having got the contract with, to write content for them. I've written my first article and just have to edit it now. I would love to be able to write an article a day, but it's only feasible if I get more help in the childcare department I feel so torn at the moment between building up my career and totally being immersed in motherhood. But now that J is 6 months I feel it's start slowly integratng it all into my life.

Can't I just have a hot chocolate??

Yesterday though I had a bit of a close-to-cracking type of day ...they happen now and again. The worst moment was when he was having a meltdown as I'd just sat down to a nice hot chocolate at a cafe (previously he'd been asleep)m and another mother of a baby (who I could swear I've met at some mom and baby group or other) gave me a 'look' instead of a nice supportive, much-needed smile. Grrr. A phonecall to my partner about it all was no more helpful and I was reminded of how I need to share these moments with sympathetic girlfriends only. Aah well. I feel better today for having gone on a nice peaceful walk to Withdean Park (J asleep in the Ergo Carrier). Speaking of the Ergo Carrier, it's changing my life! Having him on my back instead of the front makes a world of difference. It's a pity a lot of the time he fusses and isn't happy when I put him in there. Maybe (hopefully) he's just getting used to a new carrier.

Watched the film 'Perfume' tonight with G. It was good - I like that sort of atmospheric period stuff with a slightly spooky feel. Today was a bit manic - 'sister-in-law' and kids came for an impromptu visit... while they were entertaining to J which was great, I felt disgruntled at having to entertain them when I had tons of other stuff to be getting on with.Laundry, dishes, other exciting stuff! Anyway, must be off to bed now.Looking forward to a walk in Ditchling tomorrow with friends.

Monday, 24 March 2008

I'm Back...

The 6-month milestone

I'm finally ready to take up this blog again! I won't even attempt to update you on the past few months, except to say it's been every bit as much of a journey as I thought it would be. I'll probably put in bits from my old journals as I go along. I am, with a baby about to reach the 6-month milestone, and who has already reached so many milestones. Today he had some of his first banana! I don't know how much actually made it down his throat, but he definitely had fun with it! My partner and I have decided to practice 'baby-led weaning' which is an alternative approach to the usual purees and mush route. The baby eats proper solid food from the start, (teeth or no!) and is allowed to play with, experiment and choose his own food. The idea is that it avoids the problems of the transition from mushed-up food to 'finger food' and develops a good relationship with food, along with social skills around eating. It promises to be a messy but fascinating experience!

Spring Surges

The spring equinox seems to have affected me in a big way. I've been experiencing a huge surge of creative drive and motivation to finally put old projects to rest. That includes taking up the second draft of my novel again, publishing some articles I wrote last year, on, and writing new articles too. There's a strange contradiction because although my energy is going outward to the world in the form of my words, I've been more 'hibernatory' the last few days. Since J was born I've been spending most of my time with friends and trekking around Brighton (I haven't done this much walking since I did the Camino Pilgrimage in 2004!), just enjoying being with J and letting others enjoy him too. But now I feel ready to start resuming my former activities with more gusto, and this neatly coincides with J being able to spend slightly longer periods entertaining himself (always, however, with me in eyeshot!) I've also taken up baby-wearing in a big way again - I seem to go through phases with it - and find this allows me to get a bit more done too (although usually when he is sleeping in the sling - he's not fond of stationary positions when awake!)

Career...what career?

I've had a chance to catch up with one of my best friends who returned to Brighton from a year's adventuring in Thailand and Sweden, and as always inspires me to keep at it with my writing. A couple of weeks ago we both attended my first poetry event since the birth, run by 'The South' who always run excellent nights, and read for the first time in months! I think the last time I read before that, was at Brighton Poetry Society at eight months pregnant. I was nervous, but receiving an admiring remark from the guy who runs the Tall Lighthouse events in Brighton, helped my confidence, as well as just getting up there and doing it, of course!

My yoga business is also slowly but surely taking off...I started a mother and baby yoga class two months ago, which is going well, and plan to expand into more classes as soon as I get around to organising a) insurance, and b) childcare...a tricky one when breastfeeding and trying to work around my partner's crazy shift pattern.

Well, that's all for now...from now on I'll update at least three times a week, I promise!